


dream a dream of me

by anon_drabble



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Love/Hate, The Fade, sollavellen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_drabble/pseuds/anon_drabble
Summary: so in the first kiss with solas, you’re in the fade. it gave me the idea of what if their entire romance was in the fade but did not play out that way in the waking world? this did not end the way i wanted it to, lol, but it was fun to explore the idea. trespasser spoilers at the end. entire game spoilers really.





	dream a dream of me

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr https://anon-drabble.tumblr.com

Serran knew instantly. The first time she saw him. He was to be avoided. She met his eyes only for a second. And then she was done. She couldn’t explain the feeling but she  _ knew _ .

She avoided him. He rarely approached her, except out of necessity. There was no sign in his eyes, no sense that he felt the same. Nothing suggested that he avoided her as well. But she suspected he hid many, many things. 

Her clan’s Keeper had always noticed and enforced Serran’s instincts. When hunting, it led her to be successful more often than not. It steered the clan from danger more than once. She could deal with the shemlen without fear of their trickery. Perhaps she had been touched by the Fade. Serran trusted herself. 

Corypheus shook her up, though. For whatever reason, everything about his appearance came as a surprise to her. It was no wonder she retreated to the Fade. She was certain it was her own doing. Even though  _ he  _ was standing there. Even as he was talking to her. It was the Fade, all in her mind and solely her mind. 

In her dream, she saw no reason to avoid him. There was no sense of danger. Just peace. That was how she knew he was nothing more than a mirage. The foreboding she always felt around him was no longer there. 

And now that she could truly look at him and speak to him… He was rather breathtaking. He knew so much. He could tell her anything and everything. He had power. She smiled at him in the dream. Met his eyes. Gave all of her attention to him. Kissed him. 

Yes, even that far. Before she even quite knew what she was doing, she found her lips pressed against him. She was pleased that he felt surprisingly solid for a Fade apparition. Serran backed away, with something of a smug grin. That elf in the waking world was trouble but here, she could do as she pleased. 

His arms found her waist and his lips met hers in a fit of passion. Had she been that lonely that her dream had morphed into this? No harm in playing it out. They kissed, Serran and Solas. Sloppy and unrefined as passion ruled between them at that moment. 

When next her eyes opened, she found herself in a new place entirely. Skyhold was now their home. She made the rounds and found Solas quickly enough. She didn’t want to speak with him but he called to her. They spoke and she felt that unease again. The sense to stay away. He said nothing of the Fade (unusual for him) and regarded her as coldly as she did him. The dream had truly been just a dream. She crowed and laughed silently as she left. What would that stuck-up elf think if he knew? 

Thankfully, the days were busy. Serran could ignore him completely. Which she did. But at night, the Fade shaped itself and frequently brought them together. They talked there, even laughed. At first, she learned from Fade-Solas. There was a chemistry between them but apart from that first kiss, neither acted. Until much later. Finding the victims of Corypheus always hit her so much harder. For all her skills, she could never predict him and she hated that. At night, in the Fade, the dream shaped like Solas calmed her. One night, after a day of difficult decisions and annoying self-doubt, she saw that Solas there. She asked for a story about the Fade, as it was something she enjoyed hearing. He began the tale, but she was only half-listening. Distracted, even in the dream. 

Solas reached and turned her head to look at him. “You are not listening.”

She almost grinned. “I’m not. I want to hear it. I am distracted today. I’ve never before encountered someone I could not predict, someone who can outthink me so easily. I do not think I can beat Corypheus.” She could speak freely to this Solas. He wasn’t real. 

He studied her a moment. “I have witnessed many things in my lifetime. I have learned more from the Fade than I could ever tell you. There are few things certain in life. But I have certainty that you will find the key to defeating Corypheus once and for all.”

“Yes? I am expected to believe that? How? How will I manage such a feat?”

“Clear your mind when you are able. Rest. Let yourself rejuvenate.”

That did sound nice, she had to admit. But her brows creased together. “But he’s also invading my thoughts even here. Even if I should want to rest, my mind races.” She was almost pouting. She was tough and hard to approach when awake but in her dreams, she felt free to be herself. 

Solas said nothing but she looked at him and felt electricity. It seemed both at that second could hold it back no longer. They kissed a second time. And Serran’s mind went blank. Their lips parted and pressed against one another but neither could match a rhythm at first. Both eagerly tasted and reached out for the other. And yet, as if it was almost against their will, they settled into a steady flow. They would stubbornly try to break it at times, Serran biting his lip instead of a kiss, or Solas kissing below her lips, but they were guided by something they couldn’t quite fight. 

Their dream was cut short when Serran was woken suddenly. She saw Solas that day and couldn’t stand it. That  _ feeling,  _ that  _ need _ to stay away and yet he was always, always there! Infuriating! She lashed out, insulting him, yelling at him. He took the abuse and returned his own jabs (which hurt her far more than she would admit) and she stormed away. She hated how different that Solas was when the one in the Fade was so easy to talk to. But it was just further proof that her dreams were only in her head. He had no knowledge of them, despite his form always being there. 

That night, the Fade called to her again, and Solas was there. At first, she felt strange. She remembered their fight, the things he had said. But this Solas always had a different nature to him. The wounds softened. She smiled at him. 

They spoke for a time but the intense desire soon overcame them once more. She was grateful that he felt so real, as though she were kissing a real person. It allowed her to enjoy herself. They could not seem to get enough of each other. It was almost like two youths, pawing each other at the first sense of lust. Sad, really. 

She tore her mouth away, and grinned at Solas. “You’re a truly terrible kisser. Do you have no instinct when it comes to this?” she taunted. 

Solas raised a brow. “Oh? I expect a Halla would be more pleasurable than you.” 

Serran certainly wouldn’t take that. With a cocky flip of her hair, she straddled the other elf. Her chest pressed against his and she took that pointed ear with her teeth. “I’m woman enough for you,” she whispered and she practically felt the effect her words had on him. 

They played through the night until Serran again awoke.  _ Life goes on _ , she thought as she left Skyhold that day. It was busy work, leading the Inquisition. As an elf, she felt a greater sense of responsibility, one that propelled her into always pushing herself. Work harder and harder. Ignore Solas in the real world, the inferior Solas who acted as though he knew everything. At night, they always met. They stopped even pretending they could resist the other. Their passions grew every night. It made Serran angrier to see Solas when awake. She began abusing him, insisting he leave the Inquisition. She fought with him almost daily. Her advisors pleaded with her to just try to get along with him. But she felt hatred radiate from him as well. But at night, their meetings were everything. 

As the final battle loomed closer, and preparations were made, Serran faced that same doubt. How would she win? She felt unequipped and completely out of her depth. At night in the Fade, though, she experienced happiness. That passion was always there but they had tasted, explored, touched every part of their bodies. Now it was simply about enjoying the other. Feeling at peace, being happy, knowing they were safe together. Loving, even? No, that was impossible. He was a Fade apparition. Perhaps a spirit looking to possess her? She’d never allow that. And she began to doubt even her dreams. She avoided sleeping. Stayed up all night, bickered with Solas, which escalated to snapping at the others. 

Serran was irritable, she was making mistakes. It was decided they would give her tea laced with sleeping herbs. She had to rest if they had any chance. 

The familiar landscape greeted her. And Solas, who was now more familiar to her than her own body. 

“You are struggling,” he said without bothering to greet her. “I can see how upset you are.”

“This isn’t real. The Solas I know…he’s wretched. I hate him. He cannot be trusted. You. This,” she gestured to the Fade around them. “This is not real. I will not allow some Fade-dream to harm me in real life.”

Solas slid his arms with practiced ease around her. “You think I will harm you?” he asked in all seriousness. 

Her initial response was no. This Solas would never hurt her. But this was the Dream. The Fade. It was a definite trick. She couldn’t be happy there any longer. “None of this is real,” she repeated. “I will not be blinded and enthralled.” 

Solas kissed her but it was gentle and soothing and it hurt to know it was a lie she could not believe. 

“Don’t,” she said simply. She knew she was faltering. 

Solas kissed her again. “We will make this mistake together,” he said so softly he doubted she heard him. But she did. 

They fell into bliss that night, saying little else for the duration of their time together. When the dawn came, Serran was awake. Sad, a bit heartbroken, but awake and alert and thinking clearly once more. The Eluvian was their path. Unfortunately, Solas knew them and he was necessary. She went to tell him to prepare for the final battle. It was impossible to look at him. 

“After this, with Corypheus gone, never show your face here again. I never want to see you again.” She hated this Solas as much as she loved the one in her dreams. She turned to leave, her boots clacking on the stone floor. 

“Vhenan…” A barely spoken word, not even a breathless whisper. All color faded from her cheeks and she turned to face Solas. His face was hard, angry. “Serran, direct your anger to the true enemy.’

Serran. He’d only said her name. But when she hadn’t been looking at him, only hearing his voice, she had wavered. She wanted to hear that from him in the Fade. This real Solas was an abomination, disgusting. 

It was a hard fight. In the end, the Inquisition was triumphant. Varric had a hell of a story to tell. There was a celebration to attend. And true to his word, no one saw Solas. He disappeared before anyone knew. His absence was barely felt at the party. Or so she pretended. She was glad he was gone. 

She was prepared to sleep well that night. But the Fade appeared before her. She knew what was coming and waited for Solas to appear. But he never did. 

“Solas?” she called. She wandered a bit, seeking him. But she found no one. So it was over. The demon or spirit or whatever it had been finally gave up. Good. Everything was straightening itself out. Nothing to worry about. 

For years, she pretended. Acted happy, assisted in rebuilding efforts as the Inquisitor. Life was simple and easy. Enjoyable. The hole in her heart ached when she thought that. A call came, demanding the Inquisition journey to the Winter Palace again. More politics. 

Quickly, the situation turned into something worse. Of course. That was how it always went. But it gave her something to do and she was secretly a little glad. Until she heard that name again. Solas. It was just a false lead, it would end up nowhere. There’d been no sign of him. 

She chased that Qunari trail with stubborn determination. And the clues came. They slapped her in the face. She ignored them. Just keep going and solve it and it’ll be over again. 

Finally, through an Eluvian and she was alone. Well. Not as alone as she would have preferred. There he was. 

“Solas…” Serran hated the way the name tasted. She looked at him and when he looked back and saw her, that sense of foreboding was gone. She no longer sensed the danger from him. He felt like the Solas she knew from the Fade. She shook her head. Clear those thoughts away. She hated him. She hated him so much, tears came to her eyes. “Solas!” she screamed, her emotions leading her voice to crack. 

He was speaking but she barely listened. The pain from her anchor was distracting her. But truthfully, she just couldn't believe he was there. She kept closing her eyes tightly, as if she could will him gone. But when her eyes opened each time, he was there. Closer, and closer to her. Finally, close enough to touch. 

“No. Get away from me.” She hated him. 

“Vehnan…” Her eyes snapped open and she stared into him, boring holes. “Vehnan… Ar lath ma. I always have. Our meetings in the Fade meant everything to me.”

“No. It’s a lie. A trick from the Dread Wolf. I hate you. Why would you do this to me?” She already knew it was true, though. She didn't know how and she didn't know why. Why had they wasted time and energy hating each other while awake? In the Fade, they had been perfect. 

Solas decided not to answer her questions. “You were not supposed to be here, vehnan. I am sorry but to see your face again… I cannot falter. Please continue hating me. It will make everything easier.” Solas sounded so sad. It felt exactly like her dreams. 

“No. I won’t. Solas, this is all your fault.” She kissed him and it felt familiar. She knew intimately the shape of his lips and even though they had only kissed in dreams, it felt exactly the same way. “I love you,” she told him. Her heart broke. 

“Your mark will kill you if it is not removed.” He kissed her, then, long and sad. He whispered goodbye, telling her once again that he loved her. 

Serran kept her eyes closed, praying that he would somehow be there when she opened them. But no. When her eyes opened, she felt the pain from Solas removing her arm to save her life. But the tears were because he was gone. 

The advisors and others asked her what happened. She couldn’t tell them, except to confirm their worst suspicions. Solas had orchestrated it all and he was now gone. Would they go after him? And what would happen if they found him? Kill him? Or would she show him mercy?

He left her with two wounds that day and she could never recover from either. But when it came down to it, she knew the answer.

"We will save him. Show him once more that he was wrong." 


End file.
